|
I had a dream where I went to a different college and I somehow ended up at the auditions for the choir but I didn’t want to be in choir but the professor was also the coach of the basketball team and I couldn’t say no and he made me sign soprano and I was awful and he was like, “when was the last time you sang?” And I said never even though I was in choir from 3rd-6th grade. Weird. This is For you- Whenever I feel down, depressed, and sad, I always stop and think, Oh Shit, what the fuck am I crying about? There are people starving all over the world, being abused and misused. I am just a player in the game of life. The game isn’t going to Win, You and Me, the players, we always will. I feel like I should be over this. I’ve had, what, four years? Shouldn’t I be over it? Shouldn’t it stop affecting me? No, I still want to cry. I still hate him, but love him. I feel like he left me alone in this world. That I was never enough to keep him around, that he never loved me. I don’t know how to feel. It’s impossible to explain how someone who was never there can have such an impact on me. I mean, he was GONE so why does it bother me? Shouldn’t I be over it? Shouldn’t I NOT care anymore? Its been four years and hes dead to me. Why can’t I stop feeling this way? Does it make me weak? I must not cry. Crying is weakness. Okay. So, I don’t much like lables but if someone asks me I usually say bi just to save all the time and effort of saying i like both genders. But I’ve thought about it and maybe I could be lesbian, because: a) I don’t like the male reproductive organ (I’ve become used to it, but I still don’t like it) b) I am extremely attracted to girls (sexually) c) I find sex with a guy rather…boring? I like the way guys look. I’m attracted to guys in that way. I like their face and their abs and muslces. Do I wanna sleep with them? ehh not really—not 100% sure though. Would I date one? Yes. What are your opinions? Lesbian? Bisexual? Whatta you think? This kind of makes me sound like an idiot…oh well. 
|
