is often a taboo topic for me. my mom has even called me a prude. im not sure what it is but i feel very awkward talking about it and even weirder thinking about it. my sexual history is not really something open for discussion unless others bring it up. i find myself trying to change the topic of conversation or making others feel just as uncomfortable so im not alone. pathetic, i know. but today, right now, i feel like expressing myself. i remember promising myself years ago that i would never ever have sex until i was 18. i always felt that i was not mature enough, or old enough, or experienced enough. which was all true. but i was mostly just scared. scared of growing up, scared of something bad happening. scared that my life would change. this summer that changed a little. i made a very concious decision that some people dont get to make. i made the decision to give it up. in my opinion, the most sacred thing any girl can give away. the way i figured is this: i love him (cheesy i know, but true) and even IF we break up i will NOT regret that it was him. i feel like there is so much more i want to say and i just cant think of it at this moment. dont be too scared to live your life, or precious moments will pass you by. 

bright lights,  city full of people, and i sit home and be a good responsible 17 year old and my mother tells me to ‘GO TO BED’ are you fucking serious?